I'm an 11th-grade student studying in Europe. I have quite a few hobbies, but listing them all here wouldn't be very convenient. However, the main backstory is this: for the past year and a half, I've been chasing after one girl. We had mutual feelings—or at least, I think we did. Honestly, I'm not sure.

I pursued her, we laughed together, talked a lot—it was great. On Valentine's Day, we slow-danced, and then she kissed me on the lips. After that, kissing became a regular thing between us. But then came Day X. That was when Miss M told me that our relationship probably wouldn't last long, since after 11th grade, we would be moving to different cities for university or college. She didn't want to turn our connection into a romantic relationship. I accepted her answer.

But unfortunately, I had no idea what would happen next. Lately, she has been spending time with another guy. And okay, if they were just hanging out and talking, I wouldn't mind. But their relationship has crossed all boundaries. It's more than what we ever had. They're hiding something from me.

When I tried to ask her directly—because if they had mutual feelings, I could walk away easily. I just needed her to tell me. I'm not a mind reader; I can't understand their dynamic just by guessing. Please, if that's the case, just say it, and I'll leave.

But Miss M replied that this was one of the reasons why we were incompatible. She said she needed to connect with people, while I don't even acknowledge that in friendships. That hurt. A lot.

I invited her for a walk today, and she agreed. We had a really great time. Honestly, I didn’t expect it to go that way. We walked along the local river and then went to her place—it was a bit awkward. We had a very sweet conversation. It was clear that she was avoiding physical contact with me, which is understandable.

Later, while we were walking, Mr.D (her "friend") texted her and asked to meet up. And she agreed. Overall, I wasn’t surprised. I was prepared for this. I had been getting ready for it. I knew it would happen. They went for a walk. And while they were walking, I was just running around happily. I was so happy about my time with Missis M. it was great.

I recorded myself playing some cute songs on the guitar to send to her when she got home at 10 because her parents are usually really strict, and she can’t come home later than that. But in the end, she stayed out with him until 11. At night. She NEVER stayed out that late with me. Not once.

I can’t even put into words how painful this is. I’m having a breakdown. I was expecting a hit from her, but the one she delivered was an uppercut.

It seems to me that our relationship is completely over. There's no way to restore it. This is the end. A point of no return. But I'm not sure. I want to ask my psychologist. Maybe they'll have some advice.

It really bothers me that Mrs. M doesn’t tell me anything. I know she doesn’t say anything to me. So I asked our mutual friends to talk to her and find out what she really feels and thinks about all this…

In the end, they talked… and she said that she really values me as a person but doesn’t see us together. She doesn’t want us to turn this into something more. But at the same time, she claims that there’s nothing going on between her and Denis, which I highly doubt. She says they just started talking more.

I felt much better after learning all this. But it still hurts that Mrs. M has distanced herself from me so much. We didn’t have to become a couple. I would have been incredibly happy just to talk and be friends with her. But instead, she has no interest in communicating with me at all..

Honestly, I don’t understand. Mrs. M has started giving some ambiguous hints. I wouldn’t say they’re exactly ambiguous phrases, but rather something in her behavior. She has started talking to me, even though she never did before. She has started waiting for me, even though she never used to. She has started laughing with me, even though she never laughed before. And I don’t know what to think about it. Maybe she really just wants to stay friends and nothing more, and my love for her is getting in the way of our friendship. I don’t know.

It feels like I’ve stopped feeling anything for her, except for hatred. Especially toward Mister D, yes. He annoys me so much, it’s unbearable. Everything I used to do, now he’s doing. When I used to walk Mrs. M home, now he does it. When I used to visit her, now he does it. When I used to walk with her, now he does it. And everything else, too. Everything you could possibly imagine. Today, Mister D seems to have calmed down and stopped doing everything he used to. But I decided to talk to our mutual acquaintances. Honestly, I wouldn’t say they’re the best psychologists in the world, but they are quite educated. And one of them said that maybe Mister D stopped seeing her as a competitor. And that hit me even harder. But now, I just don’t care about her, her personal life, or her romantic relationships. Although, I would like to be friends with her.

The last 10 days have been completely identical. From the 18th to the 23rd, I had school, and the days didn’t really differ from each other. Mrs. M would talk to me at school and then hang out with Mr. D afterward. I got used to this and stopped trying to maintain any kind of communication with her. I stopped texting her, stopped checking in, stopped asking how she was or what she was doing. I just became a friend.

I wouldn’t say this thought upsets me. Actually, no—it does upset me. That’s the right word. It just makes me feel bad. But I’m quickly coming to terms with it and accepting what’s happening.

Today was that event. I wouldn’t say I’m an active participant there. No. I’m more of a decoration. I don’t contribute anything particularly useful or practical. I’m just… there. I was social, we talked. But after the event, Mrs. M suddenly suggested we take a walk to a small shop nearby. That really surprised me—like, wow, she actually invited me for a walk. Maybe I do mean something to her after all.

We walked, laughed, and talked. But when we got there, she suddenly turned to me and asked, “What are your plans after this? Are you going home?” I said I didn’t have any particular plans. And then she took out her phone and showed me that Mr. D was calling her.

That’s when I realized I was probably being politely dismissed.

She answered the call and didn’t talk to him for long, but she giggled loudly. And it seemed to me that Mr. D made some kind of joke about me. Not a very nice one. Not very nice at all.

Today was the end of the holidays and the first day of school. That’s where I met Mrs. M. again. I’m used to her coming with Mr. D. every day. I got used to it. But today, she actually talked to me—she laughed with me, she laughed out loud. For a second, I even thought that maybe things weren’t so bad after all.

But then, during another lesson, I noticed on Telegram that Mr. D. was pinned in her chats. Everyone who was pinned there was her ex-boyfriend, me, and… that’s it. That was too much. It felt like the final nail in my coffin. It hurt. But first and foremost, I just felt sick to my stomach, like I was going to turn inside out.

I left school immediately because I simply couldn’t look at it. After a long time, Mrs. M. texted me, asking if everything was okay. That they were rehearsing. I don’t know what’s going on. Why is she suddenly talking to me again when just being near her makes me feel sick? Just her presence alone turns me inside out.

I’ve noticed that my emotions about this are changing rapidly and intensely. At first, I felt despair and pain, but now all I feel is nausea and hatred. It hurts that she treats me like I’m some worthless piece of trash she can just throw away and say, "I don’t need this anymore."

Seriously. I was… I thought I was someone special to her. Even if I was just a friend, I was still someone. Someone important. How could she replace me so quickly? Like I was some rag she used, wiped her hands with, and tossed aside—swapped out for something new.

And fine, I would’ve understood if she had chosen someone truly strong, intelligent, or impressive in some way. But she chose him—someone whose name in our conversations was practically synonymous with being a complete idiot. She chose someone who jokes about my death, who laughs about it. She chose my enemy.

That’s not just a knife in the back—that’s a battle axe straight through my spine.

I don't understand why, but she writes to me from time to time, pretending that I mean something to her, something more than nothing. I don't understand why she starts talking to me, but she does it more like with a distant acquaintance. I guess that's our status now.

It seems to me that, in a way, she left me because she thinks I'm stupid. And I don't really deny it—I’m far from the smartest. She'll probably be much better off with Mr. D. It’s pretty painful because, in a way, she was my first love—the one I blindly chased after, only for her to replace me in less than a day.

She writes to me more and more often. Maybe I'm just trying to convince myself that she cares about me. But yesterday she messaged me after the waltz and suggested we go rehearse together today.

I declined because I didn’t want to see her.

But then she started asking for my opinion about it... Afterwards, she sent me a series of photos I didn’t know about—pictures taken when we went for a walk together about a month ago.

I don’t know why she sent them. Maybe she’s trying to ask if she can post them on her Telegram channel—I’m not sure. In any case, I’ve stopped feeling anything for her...

A couple of days ago, I saw them at the square — they were hugging, almost kissing. It really pissed me off.

I didn’t even know I was capable of feeling such strong dislike toward someone. As for her, she’s started treating me worse (I think). She gives me these harsh looks, like she doesn’t even want to see me. Maybe it’s because I’ve been ignoring her and don’t want to talk to her… but I don’t know.

Since the last entry, I've come to terms with Mrs. M. She's gone, and that was her choice. She's not worth me wasting my time, energy, or nerves on. She might be a good person — maybe — but I saw a side of her that changed how I see her. Either way, I’ve more or less stopped giving a damn.

Of course, I still think about her. I remember her, I miss her. But compared to how it was, I’ve definitely stopped giving a damn.

What I’m about to say is nothing more than thoughts out loud, but I don’t think they’ll be together for long. I’m almost sure things will go like this: most likely, Mrs. M won’t want a serious relationship with Mr. D. And he, in turn, will start getting aggressive. That’s when they’ll finally fall apart. But again, these are just my thoughts — nothing more than musings out loud.

We also had a “streak” on TikTok. (For those who don’t know, a streak is a continuous exchange of messages — basically, when you send each other TikToks or messages every single day.) So, I figured — if she’s not worth my time, then she’s not worth the TikToks I send her either. (She doesn’t watch them anyway.)

I wanted to delete the streak, but to her, it seemed to mean something important. She said it was the only thing keeping our communication alive. But if our entire connection depends solely on a TikTok streak, then I’ve got some serious questions about whether that even counts as real communication.